As this is my first official blog post, I thought I would share a bit about how I came to create The Sophianic Healing Blog.
The creation of this blog took a very convoluted and circuitous path. It was a decidedly “two steps forward, one step back” affair with lots of side steps thrown in for the sake of procrastination and good measure.
You see, for me, just the idea of starting a blog pushed a lot of my buttons (for better and worse) and that made the process alternately exciting, frustrating, joyful and scary. In its own small way, the journey to blogging was a lot like life.
I first considered creating a blog connected to my healing work about 10 or 11 months ago. It started as a sense of inspiration in the guise of on-going curiosity. My excitement grew as I thought about what it would take to do a blog and how to integrate it into my healing work.
But at a certain point, the excitement would wan and I would find some reason for not going through with it. The reasons usually took the form of some judgment against myself -- it is self-indulgent, no one cares what I have to say, I have nothing interesting to say -- or against blogs -- blogs are too much work, blogs are just another over-hyped bandwagon, blogs are cliched, blogs just create internet “noise”.
In an effort to get more clarity, I began consciously feeling into these negative thoughts and judgments to see what else might be behind them. What I kept finding were my usual fears -- fear of the unknown, fear of putting myself “out there” and fear of allowing myself to be seen.
Yet, the inspiration would keep coming back. I started having flashes of imagination regarding different topics about which I wanted to write. I drafted outlines and began writing. Eventually, it dawned on me that what had started as curiosity had unwittingly blossomed into true desire. I actually wanted to create the blog.
The doubts, the fears and the negative thoughts were still there. In fact, acknowledging my desire actually intensified them in a certain way. But it also made me more willing to see that fear was only one aspect of what I was experiencing and that there was more beyond that.
I began looking into the technical aspects of creating the blog, which is also when the fun (for the techie in me) started happening. It was only at that point that I made a commitment of sorts -- I would devote myself to the creation of the blog so long as I was free to pull the plug if it became too difficult, too overwhelming or just too scary. Not exactly a clear and strong positive intention but it was enough to open up something in me.
From that point on, the creation of the blog became something of a labor of love. An often uncomfortable and frustrating one, but a labor of love nonetheless.
I have no doubt that for many people the creation of a blog is or would be a straightforward, maybe even fearless, undertaking. I am definitely not one of those people. I have always felt most at home in the relative intimacy of one-on-one settings. Interestingly, I can even speak in front of groups of people with relative facility. However, there is something about public writing -- i.e. putting my inner experiences into written words and then sharing those words with the world at large -- that feels very vulnerable to me.
So, why exactly did I decide to create this blog? I could say it was my passion for learning and for sharing wisdom. I could also mention my longing to find meaning in the ordinary moments of our lives. It might even be a certain hope that by sharing about my inner experiences someone else may feel inspired to tap into and connect with their own. And there would be truth in all of that. But in the end, I'm not exactly sure and trying to make sense of why I decided to create a blog does not feel too important.
What does feel important is that I keep working to honor the inspiration that is urging me to write and to share what I write with others even if I do not really know where any of this will lead or what the outcome will be.
I also know that once upon a time, I felt a similar sense of curiosity about something well outside my comfort zone. At the time, I was a 28 year old lawyer and avowed atheist who was disillusioned with his career and increasingly dissatisfied with life. I also had no idea what to do about any of it.
It was then that a friend first told me about these mysterious people who worked with energy, spirit guides and something called an “auric field” to help others heal. It all sounded very weird... and very intriguing.
Not having the faintest clue of what I was getting into, I followed my curiosity. And despite my very palpable fears and doubts, I decided to keep following my curiosity. And you know, it worked out pretty well for me.